"When I was a kid, people complimented me on being smart. They meant well, but it was terrible for me. I couldn't control how smart I was being; I could only control how smart I was appearing. So I learned a bunch of tricks for seeming smart. Even worse, I didn't learn to stick with things, and I avoided doing things I was bad at. That's fine for looking smart, but terrible for actually being smart.
Now I'd no more compliment people for being pretty, smart, or strong than I would for being tall. Instead I look for things that they're actually doing, like putting together a cute outfit, figuring something out, or sticking with their workout plan."